No 5 - Beginnings: Nigel's Morning (An occasional series featuring what is often the best part of any story....... The beginning....)

NIGEL'S MORNING

Nigel Watson made a desperate dash for the bus only to watch in frustration as it pulled away from the stop.

"Fuck it!"

His swearing made a gaggle of passing schoolgirls giggle mischievously amongst themselves.

He blushed furiously, embarrassed at the fun they were poking at him and irritated by his own self-consciousness.

Sitting down disconsolately upon a nearby wall, Nigel lit up a cigarette and seethed quietly.

It was so annoying - only his second day at a new job and already he was late. He kept his eyes fixed upon the distant corner from which emanated a constant stream of rush-hour traffic and prayed for another bus.

He didn't take too much notice of a particular white van that rounded the corner towing a low trailer behind itself.

Atop said trailer stood a large rectangular bill-board but it was only when the vehicle was about to pass him that Nigel realised with a snap just what was written on that board.

In six foot high, red letters it proclaimed:

"NIGEL WATSON IS A WANKER"

This statement was followed by a crude drawing of a cock and balls.

Suddenly a P.A. system crackled into life and a gruff, distorted voice began chanting:

"WHO'S THE WANKER, WHO'S THE WANKER, WHO'S THE WANKER OVER THERE...?!"

The schoolgirls cheered.

Nigel Watson felt sick.

It was going to be one of those days.......

No 4: Pants on Fire....

I never, ever, ever lie....... That of course is a lie. Not a big one admittedly, but a lie nonetheless.

My name is Marcus Castillian Noonan, and I Am A Liar. There, I've said it.....

I mainly use lying as a way of making life easier for myself. This could be to avoid confrontation (which I hate), to spare people's feelings, to get myself out of a sticky situation, or to avoid some unwanted responsibility.....

At work, I live a lie on a day to day basis. There's one aspect of my life that I'm quite embarrassed about, so to make myself seem less of a sad-act loser, I choose to tell untruths to my work colleagues. This may even include made up anecdotes about fictional incidents and people that don't actually exist.......

What's the biggest fib I've ever told.....? Ermm..... probably repeatedly telling somebody that I loved them when really, I knew that I didn't......

However, the second biggest whopper I ever told, did result in a friend of mine (who'd grown up believing she was an orphan) being reunited with her mother, moving to Los Angeles and subsequently becoming a successful film and T.V. actor..... If only I could tell you who it is..... But I can't....Sorry.

Anyhow, I've gotta go now, but bear in mind not everything in this post may be the truth..... In fact the whole piece might be completely made up.

Can anybody else smell burning.....?

I love you all!

XXXX

No 3 - The Loneliness of the Long Distance Film Watcher......

I only like watching films on my own...... If I go to the cinema with a friend, I find it difficult to relax into the film because I'm constantly worrying whether the person I'm with is enjoying it or not.
And then there's the post movie discussion..... There's little more dispiriting an experience than coming out of a cinema having loved what you've seen, only to find your companion not quite so enamoured of it. In fact, if I've really enjoyed a film. I don't actually want to speak at all, I just want to privately savour my enthusiasm for it for as long as possible afterwards.
I don't really understand this whole going to the cinema as a social event anyway...... If you want to be "sociable" got to a bar or restaurant.... somewhere that you can actually, you know, talk and be "sociable".
This applies to home viewing too. If I'm visiting friends or family, the most spirit crushing phrase I can ever hear is, "I know, let's watch a DVD!" Ermmm, actually, let's effing not.......
All this also applies to television as well..... I only like watching that on my own too....

I really am Little Miss Sociable aren't I?

Bye.....
 

No2: Good Manners Don't Cost Nuffink....

If somebody sends me an email or a text or a link to a video etc. I always reply with some kind of acknowledgement, even it's just a simple "thanks". That to me seems like plain old good manners.
Therefore it really bugs me when people I send stuff to don't afford me the same courtesy..... How difficult can it be to type the word "thanks" or even click on a smiley emoticon and then press send......?
Or maybe I'm just being over-sensitive....?

Ah well, that's people for you......

Bye for now
X

No 1 - Hello

Hello

I've decided to start a blog. I don't really know why. I haven't really got anything to say.

Here are some facts about myself....

I don't own a passport or a suit....

I can do a pretty good impersonation of a velociraptor......

I'm in love with Zooey Deschanel.....

I also have a secret crush on somebody I know.....

I drink too much.....

I never vote although I pretend that I do....

I lie to people at work about one aspect of my life that I'm ashamed of.....

Enough of facts for now.

So Maggie's dead then. Probably like a lot of like minded people, I've spent the last couple of decades regarding her as the epitome of a right wing hate figure...... Can't wait 'til she's dead, I've often thought. Let's throw a Thatcher's dead party!.... But now she actually has gone I suddenly find myself feeling very uncomfortable with all the gloating over her death that's been going on.... It just doesn't sit right with me... Praps I'm getting soft in my old age?

Enough for now
X